04 January, 2010


"Mortality from Percussis is most common when you've got
elevated white blood cells or pneumonia and Gavin has both."

He spit that at me just completely matter of fact.

. . . and my knees shook and I felt as though MY lungs were going to collapse.


Apparently the angels
(which is what I've decided to call all the AMAZING specialists who are saving my son)
had neglected to mention that to me during routine rounds.
I mean, I'd known it was likely, but still,
the news felt a little like being banged in the face with a baseball bat.

Then there was a bunch of talk about white blood cells.
Sludgy blood.
Elevated heart rates.
Wet lungs.
Irregular heart beats.
Heart Echo.

and somewhere in there we were discussing transfusions
and blood replacement.

I was a little dizzy but shockingly alert and coherent.

I finished the discussion and then when the angels were distracted
with charts and monitors, I slipped quietly into the bathroom.

Then I started to lose it.
I'd had it.
I felt like I had NOTHING left.
I had a good hard cry.
Reminded God what was in my heart,
squared my shoulders
and headed out.
I decided to leave crazy in the bathroom.
Crazy doesn't do you ANY good in the PICU.

I left that bathroom full of peace.

It's shocking when peace and terror coexist.
It's disorienting.

When I returned to the room I spoke with the Hematologist.
Angel number 4 million and 3.

When he introduced himself to me,
he put his arm around my shoulder and gave me a squeeze.
I knew I liked him.

Our discussion was really encouraging.
The heart echo (Echocardiogram) looked good!

First good news in a week.
I swear to you.

Because of that the Hematologist feels
a transfusion would be premature.
Apparently it's not uncommon for white blood cells to go up up UP
and then peak and start to lower.

Lower white cells!!!

Elevated white cell counts make the blood thick and sludgy
which makes it harder for the heart to pump the blood through the body.

So that's the prayer for today.
That cell count needs to go down.
If the cell count has dropped tomorrow
morning then the transfusion will be taken off the table.
For now.
Which is good.
His body doesn't need any other invasive procedures.
He just needs to be able to rest so he can heal.

For the outpouring of love.
Thank you for the prayers.
Thank you for the faith and strength and friendship.


We can do this!



Jill said...

Go Gavin! Lots of prayers, and speedy healing wishes coming your way :)

Melissa said...

GO Baby GO!!

SirEdmundHills said...

Oh Natalie...I'm hoping that everything will be just fine. I'll hope for a lower white blood cell count. I'm sorry you are going through all this...

Hugs and Loves...


Rachel Clarke said...

Praying for you and sweet little Gavin.

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We would like to help as best we can and would like to be here for what ever you need. Please visit us on twitter http://twitter.com/meganmchapman and facebook if you can...http://www.facebook.com/pages/wesandmegchapman/197682295964?v=wall

Thanks and God bless.

Megan and Wesley Chapman.

Rainer said...

Hoping Gavin is getting better soon. My thoughts are with you.

meg said...

I will be praying for you and your family. As well as wisdom for all the nurses and Doctors working with Gavin!

little miss erika said...

Oh Natalie! You can bet I'm sure praying as hard as I can for the little man!

I love you, all of you!

shannon kelley said...

everytime I read a twitter update from you or come back and read your posts because I can't get Gavin off my mind I get goosebumps. Chills that make me know..like truly know..that there is some deep praying and angels happening in all this. I don't know you except through the lovely invention of the great twitter:) and you have never heard of me but please know that you and your baby boy are in our constant thoughts and prayers. and were getting goosebumps, the good kind:) the kind that make you know that God is up to something.

peace and blessings,

Paige Holley said...

Natalie, So sorry about your sweet little Gavin. But let me tell you, being a mother to a Gavin myself, they are little fighters! My Gavin was sick when he was brand new...I know how scary it is to see them sick and to be covered in tubes and wires and seeing them go through test after test...my prayers are with you! That said, your little Gavin is going to be a fighter his whole life.

{lindy baker cakes} said...

I know I've told you through twitter bits and pieces of our stays at Primary Children's. I know how heart wrenching it can be to be there. I would get in the shower there and just lose it. I would cry until I could barely breathe. You are good to leave crazy in the bathroom because I think I let crazy slip out a few times. You're in good hands there. Thanks for your comments about immunizations. Its been scary deciding what to do with Blake's because of all the trouble he's been through but you helped me make my decision.
Gavin will pull through. Please know that we're praying for you, Gavin, and the rest of your sweet family.

Mindy said...

I'm just one of your many blog followers, but I'm crying for you, and especially praying for your little Gavin.

j,d and little b said...

you are in our thoughts and prayers Natalie!!! Baby Gavin seems like such a little fighter.... I hope things continue to look up for you and him

Laura said...

Praying for you, your family, and most of all, for little Gavin to fight-fight-fight! You've got God on your side, and that will carry you when you can't walk on your own.

Anonymous said...

You are my hero lil G. Things will look up soon!

angie said...

Gavin has been in our thoughts and prayers this week. Hope You can get some rest soon and hope Gavin has heels quickly!

Linda said...


I'm sending you this angel just in case you don't have enough of them at the hospital.


Take Care,

echo said...

GO GAVIN, is right. GO GO GO GAVIN!!

stef j. said...

we love you Gavin!!! fight fight fight!!

and you too, Nat.
and Rich.

Molly Bea said...

Love and prayers to you and baby Gavin.

Dianne - Bunny Trails said...

Praying for Gavin, the staff, you, and your family.

Kara's Party Ideas said...

Natalie, I can't get you or Gavin off my mind, I keep checking facebook for updates. It's been forever since beehives & miamaids & high school, but I still feel connected to you through reading what you're going through. I am praying so hard for the miracle you need. I too have a Gavin, & they are fighters!!! Fight sweet Gavin, fight for your family, fight for your amazing mommy, fight for your life, FIGHT. Love you Natalie.

Nellybelly said...

Praying for you guys. Go little Gavin. You can do it baby!

Kelli Nicole said...

Wow, I've been pretty absent from the whole blogosphere while I was on vacation, but I am so sorry you're going through this. I'll be praying for your family and Gavin!

ashley said...

he can do it!

you got our prayers and fasting and love and support. i told richie that he can pawn the boys on me anytime, and i am serious. please please let me know if there is anything i can do for you guys over here. seriously, anything.

AKG said...

Hello Natalie!

All the best for you, Gavin and your family!!!!!

You are in our thoughts!!!


Kathy said...

LOTS of prayers coming from NC

ihavemostlybeen said...

With you all the way and sending love and prayers

Tina Vega said...

Praying for a lowered white blood count and continued encouragement for you and your family!!

James Bamburg said...

Praying for Gavin and your family Natalie. God will provide.

Justina said...

Sending lots of prayers and positive vibes to you and Gavin!!

Mali said...

Natalie, we had a miracle happen in our family a few months ago and I pray that the same miracle will bless your family soon. My family and I are sending the most positive and healing thoughts to your baby boy. Hang in there!

Kelli Radmall said...

Natalie-Our little family will send our prayers your way starting now. You are being very brave-I can't imagine what you are going through. My tears have joined the many that have been shed in your behalf.

Amber said...

I live in GA, but I know that distance is no problem for God. Many prayers & hopes for good news & a speedy recovery!

Edward Weiland Photography said...


My heart goes out to you and your family. Your words are amazing and your strength is truly inspiring. Gavin sounds like an amazingly strong soul. You have my hopes and prayers for Gavin and your entire family. I think him often through out the day. Keep your faith strong!

Peace and Blessings,

Edward Weiland

liko said...

it's hard not to be a zombie, and sometimes there is no way for doctors to sugarcoat the news. it's hard being in the ICU and seeing all the sick little babies and children yet there is nowhere else you want to be. it can get you down. just keep talking to gavin.

GossamerJewelBox said...
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