Last night was rocky.
After dinner, I came in to use the lactation room (aaaagain)
and check in before I went to the hotel to try to grab a few hours.
I hate walking down the halls of the PICU.
All the angels (nurses) just look at me with these pathetic eyes,
and those I don't know personally avoid eye contact all together.
I got to his room and long story short
he was in a really ruogh spot.
I was near delirum already,
desperate for even 5 min of restful sleep.
The doc gave his report
and after the initial urge to vomit on his feet subsided,
I decided it was probably a good idea for me to stick around through the night.
The doctor concured
(which really says something about his condition because the
Drs and Angels are CONSTANTLY trying to get mothers to leave and get rest).
That's when I petitioned your prayers.
That's when I became FULL of hope.
FULL OF HOPE.
thank you for that.
I was literally FILLED with
COMPLETE and TOTAL
confirmation that my son was going to survive.
The spirit in that room was so thick I could taste it.
It became a part of me unitl I could literally feel it coursing through my veins.
I got right up in his face,
in a room full of people who were looking at my baby as if he were dead already,
and his momma told him what's what.
"You keep working son.
You do NOT quit.
You are strong enough to do this.
You are brave enough to do this.
I KNOW it's scary. I KNOW it's difficult.
But Son, here's the deal.
The Savior suffered this pain too so that he could be here for you now.
He is here with you.
And so am I.
And people all over the world are praying for you right this very second.
SO YOU CAN DO THIS.
You will be healed.
You WILL be made whole.
We need you.
We are a family, and we need you just as much as you need us.
Don't be afraid.
I am here."
He started to improve.
Not immediately, but little by little over the night,
that tiny body fought.
And he had a win.
And at this point, any win is a significant one.
I had an epiphany in the middle of all this.
I learned a little about the effect our faith has on others.
When I spoke to my son in front of those angels with so much confidence,
their care for him changed.
Their shoulders squared and they rolled up their sleeves.
The entire feeling in the room changed from one dripping with despair
to one saturated with hope.
Things aren't so hot this morning.
We're talking another blood transfusion (or exchange rather).
Another heart echo.
and all kinds of other stuff that I decided I'd tune out at the moment for sanity's sake.
Right now we need to pray our souls out that his heart STAYS STRONG.
That's really all he's got going for him right now.
Which is HUGE.
We need that heart to stay strong and effective.
Thank you for staying with us through the long haul.
and guess what?
Richie lands in an hour.