22 March, 2010

cardon sings a lullaby.

video

when I start thinking about how all we have
of him are cell phone videos. . .

how there aren't pictures of all of us together. . .

or how a huge hole has been blown through the middle of my life.

through the center.of.my.heart.

I watch this,
and I feel sick.
overwhelmed with grief.
with reality.

and then. . .

through the grace of a loving Father in Heaven,
who loves me perfectly. . .

I am filled with joy. . .

over everything I have left.

here.
now.

and I'm overcome with gratitude for the promise of eternity.

35 comments:

renae said...

THAT is precious! look at your 4 beautiful boys! i'm so glad that you have each of them for eternity. this moment, this joy, you'll get to experience it again. hold on til then.... i LOVE this.

Scott & Tami said...

HOW PRECIOUS NAT!!!! Your boys are adorable.

Jenny B said...

So very precious....

Hil said...

Oh my goodness... too sweet for words.

Amy said...

Truly a beautiful treasure. Thank you for sharing it. You are an amazing lady who has helped me through my own tragic time without knowing by your wonderful words of comfort, hope and continued strength.

Adrienne said...

So sweet... I admire you faith in God.

Marg said...

absolutly priceless!!!

Rachel Clare said...

You know that I have a rough time visiting your blog? Because it's just too hard for me? It's true. But today I came back to peek, and I am buoyed up by your testimony. Once again.

a mermaid said...

that was completely precious. what sweet boys you have and get to have forever. :)

Rach said...

such love.

jess said...

What a wonderful moment to have on video. Prayers for your family continue.

Watson Family said...

One of the sweetest things I've ever seen. Praise the Lord you will spend ETERNITY with him!!

Elizabeth Halford said...

How on earth do you make such gorgeous children?!

Amanda said...

Really sweet- you really have a gift with words.

Heather said...

So so precious and beautiful. The promise of eternity is such a wonderful, amazing gift we are given. Hold on. Just keep holding on! Like always, your words never cease to inspire and uplift me.

Megan and Keli'i said...

Bless your heart. Prayers and thoughts are with you, always, Nat.

stef j. said...

so so beautiful.

Amanda said...

I met your blog a couple months ago. I think of you all the time. I had a baby boy at the first of October. I think of you everyday. I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you everyday. I'm so glad you KNOW our Father in Heaven, I'm so grateful he is blessing you. xoxo

Stirlingdesigns said...

What a precious video - all your boys are so sweet. Don't rush grief - its a journey - it comes in wave - just when you think you have everything figured out it runs you over again - be patient its ok. I am so glad you are filled with your faith.

Heather said...

This video is so wonderful! I remember when I first got this sent to me. Oh the tender love...Love you!

Marie Rose said...

That.is.SO.precious. melts my heart and breaks it all at the same time. I hope you are well. Take Care!

shelly said...

It's my favorite video in the whole world.

Los Torrientes said...

My heart aches for you and all of the mommies and daddies without their little ones here on earth. And siblings, too. Families like yours are a part of my prayers EVERY single day since having several friends experience similar losses (all within a few months of my son's birth). I appreciate your ability to share your story and am SO sorry you have a story like this to share. Hearing about your family and others suffering deep loss has been a constant reminder of the fragile, precious and most sacred gift that each breath is. While I am so sorry for your loss, I am grateful for the uplifting reminder. And I kiss my baby an extra time each night after he's asleep and thank Heavenly Father for another moment with him because of stories like yours. Thank you.
(p.s. I am very selective about vaccines, but Dtap is one we've got around here. Amen and I'll spread the word!)

mckenzie said...

What a sweet post. You have so much faith. Thank you, once again, for your incredible example!!! Really!!!

Doin' It Digital (Shannon C.) said...

Sigh. ((hugs))

Summer's World said...

Again, I have to say that you seem to be dealing with your loss sooooo healthily (although the healthy manner must make you feel bipolar as you swing between 'normal' life and torturous moments of heartache). Hang tight. You'll land in eternal 4 sonned-bliss!

amyp said...

I just hugged my kids a little tighter. Thank you for putting yourself out there in such a beautiful, honest way. You have no idea how much I appreciate you and how much I pray for you. (I've been reading for a month or so now) My heart aches for your family and yet does that dance as I think about the party you will have all together one day. Thank you for sharing so openly.

mary elizabeth said...

you are an amazing mother, photographer and soul. i offer you hugs and a shoulder to cry on from colorado. but then i realize that you have been so blessed natalie. you know that and that in itself is such a gift.

Jenj said...

I sit here bawling my eyes out over your blog---knowing that my wonderful, beautiful, healthy 5 y.o. son is sleeping soundly in the next room---and one of yours isn't sleeping in the room next to yours :( This is confirmation from Jesus that I need to slow down and enjoy my son everyday. Nothing can be re-done and we don't get do-overs. Life is too precious to busy up when my son is here and here now to enjoy. I cry knowing that you won't get that opportunity with Gavin and my heart breaks for you. I cry knowing that the promise of tomorrow with my boy is but a mist floating on a breeze. Tomorrow I think I will have a picnic with Will and take some pictures of him and play his new SpongeBob game he got for his birthday :) Thanks Natalie.

Richyreens said...

Its hard...I can feel it even im in the otherside of the world. You word touched my heart and Dear...you're very strong. You been blessed.

ashley said...

So sweet. I think about you and your family everyday. I love that you always keep it in perspective. xoxo

Abraham and Sara said...

So very sweet. Thank you for sharing.

Sabrina said...

Precious and heartbreaking all at once. Someday you will see that gorgeous little bundle again. Someday. It seems so very far away, but it's there in the whisper of the wind - Someday. Praying for your strength, comfort, and for God to shine his loving grace upon you daily.

Kristen said...

irreplaceable. i'm glad you have it. :)

sarah said...

Oh, this internet is a funny thing. I think of you and your boys every single day and now I see your updates via facebook. One day you will hold your sweet Gavin in your arms again. I know it.