01 February, 2010

when the day is new.

Indeed, there are times when the only way the path can be followed is on one's knees.

~Niel A. Maxwell


We stood over you and we wept.

and we sang.

in cracking,
muffled voices.

"It's such a good feeling,
to know you're alive.

It's such a happy feeling,
it's growing inside.

When I wake up ready to say,
I think I'll make a snappy today.

It's such a good feeling,
a very good feeling,
the feeling you know, that,
I'll be back,
when the day is new,
and I'll have more ideas for you,
and you'll have things you'll want to talk about.

I.will.too."

and then, we said goodbye.

and when the day is new,
I'll hold you in my arms.

my sweet, perfect son.

and again, I'll weep.

this time,
tears of joy.

with a heart that's filled with happiness
to have come to the end of a journey.

a journey I'll have traveled on my knees.

43 comments:

Jen Kroll said...

love. can't wait for that day for you. praying for knee pads in your journey. thank you for touching my world.

Olivia said...

We love you neighbor! Mr. Roger's knew what he was talking about and you used his words beautifully!

You know, when I looked at this picture of Gavin I saw such wisdom in his face. You don't often see that in babies. Your son is destined for amazing things.

I love you Nat. Prayers are still headed your way.

a mermaid said...

i love that song and the image of your sweet, perfect little babe makes me cry and feel happy for you that he is yours forever.

love you.

Joanna said...

Sending prayers your way for your tremendous journey. This is so beautifully put! Love, Joanna

Anonymous said...

Still thinking of you and your family. Still sending prayers.
Marsha
x

Dria said...

Although I don't "know you"-- as a mom I do. Hold each other close. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers daily.

Lainey said...

Can I just say thank you? When I'm down and out, I read your words and know that happiness is a choice...that it's not fleeting. Thank you for your hope that continues to inspire me daily.

Love,
Lainey

shari berry bo-berry said...

beautiful. you truly have a gift with words...and photography...and i'm sure many, many more that we (your readers) have yet to discover.

xoxo from HB,

Shari

Pipsylou said...

Yes, what Lainey said. Happiness is a choice.

ashley said...

Heartbreakingly beautiful. I love you Nat. I wish I could give you a big hug.

Kristine from Canada said...

Big Huge hugs Natalie the journey is full of so many ups and downs

Melanie said...

I just found your blog and I think your words and strength are so inspiring. I can't even fathom the loss and heartbreak you are going through. Thank you for sharing your story! I also think you are an amazing photographer. I look forward to getting to know you better!

Nicholas and Brittani said...

You are so strong and amazing...

Annie Link said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stephanie said...

My heart still breaks for you. I don't know you, but as a mother, I'm connected. I mentioned in earlier comments that my son was born 10/26/09 and there are so many times I hold him, stare, talk, snuggle, nuzzle and more with him, and then I think of you and Gavin, and I tear up. Every time I see his beautiful image, I feel holding my baby more. Because I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. I know you will see him again, and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. And I love your positive outlook, even if I can't imagine that I would be that way. You're an inspiration.

Brady and Rachel said...

B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L! Prayers with you on the good days and the hard days. Love you!

oneshotbeyond said...

your words are soothing...

Fran said...

Natalie, Still praying for ya'll. Always inspired and uplifted by your sweet posts. Love and hugs from NC

AJoyfulBabyBowtique said...

i love your blog. i love your voice in all of your posts. i love that you are an instrument in the hands of God. because little do you know how you are helping me (and others i'm sure) with your insight and quotations. we are on completely different paths but everything you have been sharing has very intimately and personally applied directly to me, although with separate experiences. thank you for being so Christlike and such a light for all of us through your own intimate strife. thank you, thank you.

AJoyfulBabyBowtique said...

ps. do you by chance have a blog button for your blog that i could post on my blogs? i think EVERYONE needs to read your insight!!

shelly said...

Natalie. So incredible. So beautiful.

Emily Hill said...

I never thought of that famous song in that way before. It brought tears to my eyes. I think I like it even better now...

BenLand said...

your words always tear at my heart......in a good way...

peace.

Damaris said...

thanks Natalie,
thanks for sharing.

I'm NOT a VOLCANO! said...

You know, i cry every time I read your posts. You are such an inspiration to me. I complain too much and pray too little. I cannot wait until you hold your sweet boy again. You know, I think he's always with you. And he must have been so special to heavenly father for him to need him with him badly enough to call him away from such a dedicated mommy.

Annie Link said...

So beautiful.

Kristyn said...

one of my current favorite quotes is "it's not faith if you're using your eyes" the cheesy part is that it comes from a pop song, not any truly profound source. but i think it's true; thank you for showing us what true faith really looks like. if i'm ever half the saint you are i'll consider it a success.

Rachel said...

Hi. My friend Taryn recommended your blog. I am so sorry for you loss. I recently lost a baby too, though not in the same way. I would never compare our situations because both are very different. Your blog is wonderful and I appreciate you sharing your life and being so candid. You will be in my prayers.

Ashley M. said...

I stumbled upon your blog from another blog which I found from another blog. You have really inspired me in ways you will never know. I am praying for you and your beautiful family, please keep up your amazing attitude. The world needs more people like you!

Amy pipes in... said...

Sweet beautiful Gavin...

Launa said...

Just read your tweet... praying the rest of the day gets better for you and that tomorrow comes quickly and is happier!

sisterlu said...

Keep holding on, sweet friend. Just like God knows the number of hairs on your head, He also knows the number of breaths that you breathe and tears that you cry. I am praying for you daily. Love from across the country, Leslie wilson

cfetz said...

Natalie, I love you and keep you and Richie, your precious sons, Annie and Greg - all of you - in my prayers every day. Thank you for sharing your heart. I wish I could hug you and help make tomorrow easier. Carol

Megan said...

Natalie- I have been following your blog for some time now..I saw posts for prayers for your family through Mike Colon's facebook. I felt like i should probably post a comment at some point since i have been reading your inspirational words and blogs every day.

I have to admit, through the years I had lost some of my faith and fervency for the Lord. Your blog..your words..your faith..your sweet boy..has renewed my own faith in God. I am in awe of your strength. You have made me desire to know God again, to be thankful amidst the trials, and to be a woman who knows who she is in Him.

Thank you.

infinite blessings to you and your family.

-Megan, from Orange County, CA.

Ashley said...

I know others have said this...but you have changed my life. You have changed the way I look at my children, my life, death, my faith...all of it. You have such a way with words; your writing and your photography are inspiring. I pray everyday for you and your family. What a blessing to know that you will see Gavin again and be with him for eternity.

Ams said...

Breaks my heart that any mother has to experience such a loss... sending all my love your way on those days that you really don't feel you can go on, on those days that you really feel like you will never get up from your knees. All my love and prayers.

Hil said...

thank you for this. all I can say is "ditto" as lame as that may seem. i love your blog natalie, you are in my prayers always!

Kara & the Boys said...

From a world away you have lifted my spirits and strengthened my testimony. Thank you.

Hannah said...

My dad said the funeral/viewing was very sweet and he was glad he went. So sorry your family has to experience this! Thinking about you.

Naomi's Blessed Life said...

Beautiful baby! God be with you.

kimsueellen said...

LOVE YOU! Here is praying that Mr. Rogers is hanging out with Gav today. Huggs...thank you for the reminder today!

jorgy said...

Beautiful and so true!!

Hugs & prayers!!

Shelly said...

** tears streaming down my face **