25 January, 2010

argh + awesome²

This is the part of our new normal
that I find the very most heart wrenching:

"Dear Heavenly Father,
. . . please don't let any more people from my family die."

I wish my babies didn't have to live with that kind of fear.

yet, God is still good.

All the time.

Since the first Gavin's death 2.5 years ago,
death has been a central part of our every day life.

We talk about it,
all.the.time.

Then Sunshine the cat bit the dust
when I was pregnant with Gavin 2
and the boys got a little refresher course.

Ya see?
He was looking out for us,
even then.
In his perfect mercy,
He made certain everyone was as prepared
as they could be
to make this horrific experience just as manageable
as He possibly could.

What an awesome God he is.

. . . and THIS is the part of our new normal
that makes me the most proud:

"and Heavenly Father,
thank you for helping our family be together forever.
Please help me make good choices
so we can be with baby Gavin again."

Raleigh,

I've said it before and I'll say it again (x a zillion).

you are magic.

"I love you as big as the moon."

Mom

24 comments:

Summer's World said...

I am so enamored by your blog. Your writing. Your faith. Your humor. xoxoxoxoxo I'm learning so much through you.

Heather said...

That Raleigh is SO amazing! I love him! xoxoxoo

lovingmylife said...

so sweet that even the little ones are strong in their faith. Way to go! You are really training them up in the way they should go. :-)

debbie said...

What a sweet prayer! Thank you for sharing.

tomiannie said...

I think one of the hardest parts of losing someone might be trying to help your little ones cope with it. My Sammy was very close with my sister Carissa, and when she died he had such a hard time. I know what you mean about talking about it all the time -- it's been nearly two years, and death and the plan of salvation are still almost daily parts of our conversations. It makes me so thankful for the gospel, to be able to tell them with surety that we WILL be together again, and thankful for their sweet faith, that reassures us when we are feeling un-comforted.

Keri said...

Love it. So sweet. 'Hugs

Anonymous said...

Just found out about the loss of baby Gavin from Simply Me's blog.

I greatly admire your attitude and will be praying that your hope in forever families and a loving Heavenly Father continues to sustain you and your family in difficult days ahead.

The Tesimales said...

I love Raleigh. I remember when he was probably like three years old and we saw your family outside the temple on a Sunday afternoon. Raleigh was eyeing the play ground from afar and I asked him if he wanted to go play on them. He told me no because it is Sunday. I was so impressed. He was sucha little kid to know that. So tell him I think he's doing pretty good on his choices.

Bridget said...

Beautiful and touching. Thank you so much for sharing...I'm new to your blog and didn't know about your brother. I'm so sorry for your losses. I know you probably don't feel strong all the time. But just the fact that you get up every day and blog and share is a huge accomplishment. Your Raleigh sounds wonderful.

liko said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
liko said...

i ♥

shari berry bo-berry said...

oh that little Raleigh is an angel!

Sarah said...

This one made me cry ;) How touching. Thank you for sharing such deep feelings with the world.
LOVE

The Tafuna Family said...

I thought of you alot last night, despite never actually meeting you. My 18 month old son spent the night vomiting ever 15 minutes, so zero sleep all round. As I sat there holding a bowl for him thinking "Why me, why now, I'm pregnant, I'm tired" a thought suddently came over me...."I bet natalie would give another to spend the night awake with Gavin while he threw up everywhere". Needless to say I've never embraced spew so willingly.

Thank you.

Because of you and your experiences i've tried every day to be a better mother, have more patience, not sweat the small stuff, and just enjoy my son. Basiclly, i've been trying to be more like you, and the mother i'm sure you are to your sons.

kimsueellen said...

Tears. Man...tears. I should know I need a box of tissue when I come here. Our kids are so perfect, so wise, and so knowing. Love to you all.

leisa said...

Wow... if I could only have the faith and eternal perspective of Raleigh... I'm working on it. Thank you for continuing to share your faith, your pain, your candid, honest, hilarious thoughts and experiences through out the day :) We are so blessed by it - I can feel this difference in my life, in my family since learning of Gavin and after feeling this power of the spirit flow from you and your family. I hope that one day the Lord will reveal to you the eternal and reaching and PROFOUND affect this singular event has had on hundreds and thousands of His children all over the world.
So thank you Natalie and Richie. Thank you so much sweet, pure baby Gavin. And Thanks to our Father for his plan for us :)

You guys are awesome...

I know I hardly ever see you around... and hardly know you... but my heart longs to hug ya and send your whole family my family's love and prayers

thank you again :)

Kelli Nicole said...

That makes me tear up. I'll be a basket-case when I actually have children. Your boys are incredible!

Annie said...

Oh Sweet Rals, I pray for the very same things. I know Heavenly Father hears us, sweetheart. I know He's listening and watching over us--and so are Unkie and Baby Gavin. I love you sooooo much and am very very VERY proud of you. Love, Grammie

Ashleigh said...

I just love you all. Give Raleigh an extra big hug from Ashleigh --- if he remembers me. I saw him at the elementary when I was working there and said "Hi Raleigh!" and he looked at me as if I were crazy to be so chipper at 8am. Either that or he didn't remember me. I just love him :)
xoxox,
Ashleigh

Jana Neser said...

When I first heard about Baby Gavin I thought of Raleigh and how hard it is that he first had to lose his uncle and now his brother at such a young age. My heart ached for him! He is so lucky to have such great parents who have taught him so well. What sweet pure faith he has. I love you Raleigh!!

oneshotbeyond said...

sensational way of looking at the events that unfolded...keep that chin up girl!

Kristen said...

You know how kids get into their little prayer routines. My 4-year-old cannot stop saying, "Thank you that baby Jeffrey died."

I'm used to it now. It came about because his brother would say "Thank you that we get to see baby Jeffrey again even though he died."

I've explained why we don't phrase it that way, but it just keeps coming.

But they understand the point, and that's the important part.

In sharing time the other day they were told to hold their fingers up of how many people are in their family. Apparently (I wasn't there) my 4 and 6 year-old got in a slap fight over whether or not they should count their brother Jeffrey. *Sigh*

Natalie. said...

Kristen,

BIG, FAT, GINORMOUS SIGH right back at you. :) :)

And a HUMONGOUS hug for good measure.

N

Susan said...

I got the lump reading that. Thank you for sharing. Oh!THANK you! I just want to reach out and hug you!