this cell phone pic was either taken the day you went into the hospital,
or the one before.
I honestly thought you had just a sniffle.
I honestly thought we'd be home in a day.
Today I stopped by 3 different friends houses
to see their beautiful new babies.
they are each so.wonderful.
all girls. :)
someone has to balance the universe for us, after all.
such a beautiful reminder of what really matters.
all that really matters in the end.
I held evelin (pronounced eve lin)
while mommy stepped into the other room.
I held her little tummy against my chest.
her tiny head laying just under my chin. . .
the smell of Heaven still fresh in her thick, dark hair.
and for 30 seconds I closed my eyes.
for 30 seconds, I allowed myself to
and it was a heavenly hell all wrapped up
into 30 terrifyingly beautiful seconds.
and I remembered what it felt like to be "us."
you and I.
and then, I remembered again what it felt like to just be "me."
as if I could ever really forget.
but only for now.
it's only just me for now.
"only for now."
I repeated in my head as I quickly wiped my tears.
this is after all a happy time.
3 beautiful little reasons to rejoice.