17 January, 2010

prayers of faith.

I want to make this very clear:
my son died
because God called him home.

For a while,
Gavin was kept alive by a merciful God
in response to the faith and love of countless hearts
the.world.over.

The moments surrounding his death
are far too sacred to share in full.

However, I feel that those of you who were
praying fervently for my sweet son
deserve to know
why God didn't answer our prayers of faith.


There was a point at which the fight was really "on".

His little body was literally head to head with Death himself.

Thinking about it,
aside from making me want to vomit,
reminds me VIVIDLY of the strength of my son's spirit.

His spirit was SO MUCH LARGER
than his tiny mortal self.

Suddenly I came to this horrifying realization:

I was keeping him here on Earth.

It was my faith, coupled with yours,
and his sweet daddy's. . .

oh, his sweet wonderful daddy.

It was our faith that was keeping
Gavin's beautiful, pure, PERFECT spirit
here in this fallen world.

. . . and I knew I had to let him go.

I was terrified.

Yet, in that moment,
I became keenly aware of my inherent strength
as a literal spirit daughter of God.

In that moment,
my faith in Him
translated into faith in myself,
and with all the courage in a mommy's very soul:

I leaned over his bed,
kissed his puffy, ice cold cheeks,
my loving tears rolling across that tiny chest. . .
wherein lay his perfect heart. . .

his perfect, dying heart.

I took his tiny fingers in mine.
Those fingers I had held and counted a billion times over. . .

and I told him it was alright to stop fighting.

I told his heart,
it was alright to stop beating.

It was time to go.

Tears were shed,
promises made,
and moments later, my little angel in the flesh,
was returned from my arms
to His from whence he came.

And the Spirit of God shone around us in that
little room.

And we knew,
WE KNOW,
the separation is only temporary.

We will hold our boy again.

When the time came,
we squared our shoulders
and hand in hand we carried our broken souls
. . .
away.

I still don't know how I left that room,
how I handed his tiny body to the nurse. . .

and left.

Left that room,
that hospital,
that state in it's entirety.

Only in and through the grace and power of God. . .
who has remained at our side.

God does hear our prayers of faith
. . . and true faith requires our ultimate submission to,
and trust in, His perfect will.

Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend (Mosiah 4:9).

Believe these things.
I sure do.



196 comments:

sevenalstons said...

Oh Natalie... you are such an amazing woman. I don't even know you, but want you to know that you and your family have been in my heart and my prayers since I found your story a couple of weeks ago. God is so good... all the time. I KNOW you know that and that is such a relief. I also know that you are a woman of incredible faith and that you and your sweet Gavin will be together again one day. I can literally feel the love coming through your blog and am so glad to know you feel it coming back to you. Because of you, I'm hugging my five children a little more and loving on them a lot more. God bless you and your family.

JLPierce Ohana said...

That is so powerful. I can feel the truth as I read your words. I wish I could express those things- my spirit is screaming YES! Love you guys.

The Sandy Bottom Crew said...

i want you to know that tears will not stop flowing from my eyes as i read this. I am so over come with the spirit that it is hard for me to even type. You are so strong. You are so loved. And so is your son. I am grateful for your testimony. It has really touched me as a mother of three boys myself. My heart and prayers are with you and your family. {Becky}.

Olivia said...

There are no words. You are such an inspiration. Heavenly Father knew what he was doing when he entrusted Gavin to your care. Only a choice spirit could be entrusted to spirits as beautiful as you and Richie. Thank you for the lessons you and your family have taught me and so many other during these past weeks. You are loved!

~City Love... now, forever, always~ said...

I don't know you, and you don't know me. But simply....


((((((((((hugs))))))))))

chiara.p said...

Dear Natalie,
your words are full of love, you're really a special mom.
All my thoughts and prayers are for you, your family and your sweet little angel... from my heart...
Chiara, Italy

Michele Jorsling, said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Michele Jorsling, said...

As a beautifully strong mother, whose heart was breaking, you allowed your son to move over toward peace, peace for you and him in that moment.
My heart goes out to you from the other side of the world.

John said...

Thanks for sharing! What a testimony you have of our Heavenly Father's glorious plan! Your testimony has strengthened me and for that I thank you!

Yuppies Gone Homesteading said...

God Bless you and your sweet family!
I am speechless of your undeniable Faith!

In Him,
Robin

Lainey said...

Natalie,
It is essentially because of this faith that you have in God that I feel so utterly inspired. To face something so terrifying and still be so SURE of His spirit and goodness has helped me become a better believer. I have always believed but not with the "ultimate submission" that you so beautifully displayed. Thank you for sharing your story. Good things can come from pain and tears. Thank you for your faith that has carried me closer to Him.

Lindsay said...

WoW! That was beautiful.

Alex said...

Oh Natalie,

God is with you and with your son. My heart breaks for you, but I find comfort in knowing that you will be reunited with him one day. I pray that you may never doubt God's hand in all of this and that you continue to seek rest for your soul in His love. Oh Natalie, I feel like crying. I feel like hugging you and saying that I'm sorry... but we know the glory in which your son now lives. Natalie, you are an inspiration of how when we are weak, God makes us strong.

Coral said...

Thank you for sharing this experience. Your strength is an inspiration! Please know that you and your family are in my prayers!

Lillian said...

Natalie, I just want you to know how much I admire you. You have such a strong spirit and incredible faith. It's amazing how you can provide OTHERS with comfort right now when you should be the one to receive it. I honestly openly wept as I your read your beautiful post, with a determination to be better than I am. As a young mom myself, I need to rely more on the knowledge that we have an eternal family. I've never even met you, but I feel like I know you. And I wish I could be there to cry with you and hug you and be strengthened by you--and offer the same strength to you. Just know that far away, I pray for you and weep with you. You are amazing.

Shaina said...

Gavin and the rest of your boys are truly blessed to have amazing parents, grounded in their faith. Thank you for sharing.

Kelli Nicole said...

That is so beautiful. I know it's touching so many people and I'm not the only one it makes cry. Thank you.

Alicia Nelson said...

beautiful words. thank you again for your amazing and inspirational faith

Anonymous said...

Natalie you are truly amazing! I have been following your blog since I was lead to it by a mutual friend. I believe it was just a day before Gavin died. I find myself checking it often to make sure you are doing ok, and your post always give me peace. I have three boys of my own and one just a little older than Gavin, and can not imagine what you and your family are going through. I hope that God continues to give you peace and healing and know that we will be praying for you always.

alli said...

What a beautiful lesson in faith. Thank you for sharing.

Stephanie said...

That is so painful to read. So painful. As a mother, this is something I hope to never ever ever experience. I'm so sorry you had to. Please, stay strong. Please continue to believe.

shannon kelley said...

From the start, when Gavin entered the hospital, every time I would read your blog I would get chills and know God was in it. I assumed it was because he was going to show all these people who were following the story that he had healed your son and it would be a testament to Him.

I was wrong.

Yes, God is in this. Completely 100% in this. But now I know His plan is greater than our wants and desires. Yes, I still get chills reading your blog because God is in this, working miracles, just as we had prayed and I can see God in you.

God used Gavin in the short time he was here more than most of us are willing to let Him use us in a lifetime. And He is using you in a way you will probably never know the extent of. You are impacting the world for Him and I am honored to be a blog reader who has never met you but every time I look at my child I think of you and your heartache and pray that you be lifted up and blessed.

God bless you!

Sell...Party Of 4 said...

said so beautifully. said with so much power. thank you. you strengthen so many souls around you.

Hil said...

Beautiful. It's amazing the strength and comfort that comes from the gospel and our beliefs. Thank you for being such an inspiration. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you.

sepa said...

beautiful.

GIna said...

That blog was powerful. It's the only word I have, as the tears run down my cheeks, continuously.
You shall meet again. And hold him once again.
I guess in times like these we have to appreciate the memories we have, but also remember the goods hands that he is now in. With no pain. And no suffering.
You and your husband are AMAZING people. Strong. Loving. And you are LOVED.
I will never forget your story as it is truly inspiration in our faith in God. Each time I think of you and your journey, I will pray for you. You will not be forgotten. Nor will Gavin.
Sending hugs and prayers...

Kahilau said...

Wow, no words.... Thank you for sharing your faith and strength. God is good and so are you (and your sweet husband)

Oliag said...

visiting here from DPS I am inspired by your strength of faith...you and your family are blessed to be graced with this faith and knowledge that you will meet again with your young son...

I am so sorry for your loss in this world...

xoxo

molly said...

The truth in your words are almost tangible. They are beautiful and pure. And my hearts breaks for you and your family. My prayers are constantly being sent your way.

PamE said...

Another prayer from me to you is that all those who have witnessed your faith will come to God; or choose to strengthen their commitment to God.

He is and always has been here for a hurting world, and your response to what life hands us is always the answer.

May God Bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you and give you peace....

Jenetta said...

Amen.

Kris said...

I came across your blog through a friends. What an amazing woman you are. Your Faith is amazing and I hope and Pray you will find peace at this time of sorrow.

The Prophet Joseph Smith stated: “All children who die before they arrive at the years of accountability are saved in the celestial kingdom of heaven.”
The Psalmist provided this assurance: “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”
Said the Lord: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. … In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you … that where I am, there ye may be also.”
I express my profound thanks to a loving Heavenly Father who gives to you, to me, and to all who sincerely seek, the knowledge that death is not the end, that His Son—even our Savior Jesus Christ—died that we might live. Temples of the Lord dot the lands of many countries. Sacred covenants are made. Celestial glory awaits the obedient. Families can be together forever.
The Master invites one and all:
“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
“Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.”
-Talk by Pres. Thomas S. Monson, Ensign Sep. 2005

Love to your sweet family.

TLCbull said...

I believe.

Julie Ranee said...

Natalie, I am amazed at your faith in God at such a time as this. I feel I should be the one writing and encouraging you, but it is you that is encouraging me. You have explained God's answers to our prayers in a way that I have always wanted to, but I could never find the right words.
As you have said, it is because of the atoning sacrifice and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ and your belief in Him that you WILL live together again with Gavin.
Much love and prayers,
Julie

Hobbs Family said...

Nat- you are so amazing, your faith radiates through your words so strong.
Something I must say..
Your prayers WERE answered!!!
You wanted your little Gavin to walk out of that hospital a picture of health..and he did! God doesn't always answer our prayers the way we want him to, but he does answer everyone of them.
You are such a strong daughter of God, and have touched the hearts of numerous people around the world. Gavin now walks with angels, he no longer suffers. Gavin was something very special for God to take him off this Earth so soon after arriving. And you are and will always be the mother of that special being. He is your families guardian angel, he watches over you day and night.

Scott & Tami said...

You have the most Christ-like perspective Nat. I LOVE you for your courage and incredible example to me. I have learned so many things from you since our time in college....the more I learn from you, the more like Christ I become. Heavenly Father has given me an amazing perspective of life through you and through so many people. I am so grateful that you use your blog to bless me and so many people. You are truly amazing!!! I just saw a video made for you on allthingsthrifty.....how precious. Love you Nat!

Michelle said...

As I was reading your words my mind was completely opened to a new thought about death and prayer. And as I was reading your words my heart was agreeing fully with what you were saying. Natalie thank you for sharing your thoughts during this time in your life. There's no way to know the impact that your journey is having on thousands of people all around the world. Thank you for sharing your faith and convictions. :)

krista lucas photography said...

it takes far more faith to let go than to hold on. i will continue to pray and pray for you.

krista

Arica said...

natalie, your strength and wisdom and knowledge of God is absolutely empowering. i'm sure you and He will forever have a bond that many could only dream of.. prayers still shootin your way. (:

Brady and Rachel said...

Natalie, thank you for sharing all that you have, I'm sure it was far from easy. It reminded me of my father sharing when he was younger than I and had to let his dad go home, and how extremely hard it was to say it was okay for him to return home and not stay and keep fighting. You are an inspiration. You are stronger than I can ever imagine being, and I know God will continue to wrap you in his love and mercy always, and comfort you all. I have no doubt you will be blessed with more joy than you can ever imagine in the future that lies ahead. I know God will be there by your side to help you through all that lies ahead and provide you and your family with SO MUCH. Especially SO MUCH LOVE! I pray for you daily as a mother. I pray that your arms when they feel the most empty, will be filled beyond measure with peace, love, comfort and joy. I love you Natalie! Thank you for being my friend.

Megan and Keli'i said...

You're amazing.

Stephanie Motz Skinner said...

I admire your strength. You and your faith are so beautiful. May God bless you and your family always.

Brittany said...

Gavin was a very special spirit to have come to a mom like you! I cant tell you how strongly the spirit touched me reading this.

Linge Crew said...

You are truly a strong spiritual woman! I lost a nephew on the 13th of January 5 years ago, we just celebrated his 8th birthday with all 35 neices and nephews at the cemetary with balloons to send up to heaven for him and of course cupcakes. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family....

Jill said...

May the Lord continue to strengthen you and your family. What an amazing blessing to know that you will have your precious baby again. Prayers to you and your family during your grief. You faith is inspiring...and your love of our Saviour and your sweet boy, perfect.

Amy said...

Thank you for your posts. Your families faith and strength are amazing! We will continue to pray for your family

Clara said...

God is talking to all of us through your words of courage and strength and sorrow and mostly faith. May He continue to comfort you in your loss.

Maly and Dan said...

Thank you thank you for reminding me that life does not end here. We will be reunited again with our love ones. I wish I can hold Gavin in my arms. He is such an inspiration, who spirit's touch so many. I've learned so much.

Anthony and Rene said...

Natalie can I just say you are amazing and so spiritual. I love how much faith you have! I was so touched by this post and thank you so much for sharing such a spiritual and sacred moment with the vitural world. I read it as I was listening to the primary song "Childs Prayer" ( it's the song I sing to my baby when he is getting fussy or trying to lay down for a nap...which is what he is doing now) and I couldn't help but cry...the spirit was so strong. I am so grateful for you sharing this moment with us. I am so sorry for your loss but as you have mentioned...it is only for a short time and then you will get to raise your sweet Gavin.

Lynette said...

Amazing. Nothing short of amazing. It's so good to KNOW.

(((Hugs)))

liko said...

beautifully said, and i'm bawling.

Nicole Neff Photography said...

Thank you SO much for your honesty. I've been telling everyone about how you have been such a testament to God's love and promises. You really have shone light on God's goodness even in -- ESPECIALLY in -- times of pain, hurt and struggle. I believe through this, someone will come to know God in a way they never knew possible because of the way you have so honestly shared your faith.

As I start to think about having a family, I've often thought about all the things that could go wrong. And it scares me. A lot. And seeing all that you've gone through recently is a reminder of that, but you've also shown me that we can overcome anything with God's love and strength. With Him anything is possible, and He never puts more on us than we can handle.

I continue to remember you and pray for you. And I've been telling so many people about you and how God is using this situation and YOU to bring Him glory. You are such a blessing and encouragement.

~Nicole

Crystal Henderson said...

as I read this, I cry. I cry because of your faith and strength, I admire you. Your little son was so blessed to have you as a mother.

Sara said...

The tears are flowing in abundance. Beautifully written.

Brooke said...

Wow, amazing words. I love to read your words, it gives me warmth and comfort. I think about you often and am so glad you are feeling His loving arms around you at this time. You are a strength to all!!

cody + jennie said...

Thank you , thank you for your faith. You are a stalwart example.

Lali Johnson said...

Natalie, your spirit is so beautiful and powerful. This message was heartbreaking and yet very reassuring. Thank-you so much for your continued faith and Love in the Lord. Thank-you for sharing it with us and for helping us grow closer to the Lord through your strength and faith and experience. Thank-you.

Ryan, Melissa, and Family said...

Natalie...thank you for your amazing faith. I can not even begin to express what your strength has done for me. Know that you are loved and your example is cherished. Thank you!

Hizzeather said...

This post gave me the chills. Your words are so powerful, and the Spirit tells me they are true. Thank you.

Deanna said...

You did the scariest hardest thing that parents can do, but it was the right thing. And thanks to your words, Gavin's spirit will inspire people for years, maybe decades, to come. He is continuing his mission through you. :) Thank you for sharing such a wrenching experience.

andrea said...

Following for bit, 1st time commenting: I am so incredibly sorry for your horrible loss. Words aren't sufficient.

What you just wrote has to be one of the most beautiful things I've been privileged to read. You know who you are, you know who your son is, and you have the most amazing grip on the Plan of Salvation.

I pray you continue to feel the comforting Spirit as you move through your days. Hold on as tightly as you can to the faith you just put into words in this post as you have some very long days missing your sweet boy.

I add my testimony to yours that you WILL be reunited with your son someday, and what a beautiful day that reunion will be. Until then, stay the course.

The Tafuna Family said...

Natalie, your faith and its amazing strength makes you, more then any other person, so totally and utterly worth to be his mother. His spirit was perfect and could only be raised by a mother who's spirit, though i'm sure you have faults, your spirit is so near to perfection, or at least has a strong desire to be so.
What strength you have. Although i'm sure you feel so weak and strengthless, I pray that you continue to lean on your savior and those around you as long as you need, be it days, weeks, or years.

Damaris said...

thank you for this post and so many others. thank you for your faith. thank you for your testimony and thank you a million times thank you for the chance we have to still pray for your and your family.

Desiree and Lars said...

I'm still amazed by your knowledge and surity. Thank you. We continue to pray for you and your family. Wow, you amaze me.

LuLu said...

You are a perfect example of great things coming from tragedy--because this powerful testimony, this witness you have shared--will reach the tiniest corners of the blogging world, and have an effect of which you will probably be unable to fathom. You are wonderful!

mommynoodles said...

I do believe you and all these things! Praying for peace and comfort,beyond all understanding!!
"GOD" is good! All the time!


In your "darkest" hour,your "FAITH" will shine the "BRIGHTEST"!!

I can't remember where I read this so long ago,but I love it and always come back to it.Even though that doesn't seem possible for your "FAITH" to shine the brightest at that time.Through "GOD" all things are possible!! And let it be known that you are changing lives on here.So you know you changed lives of some of those Docs. and Angels in the hospital!! All through your "FAITH"!! Keep on keeping on!!

Love and Prayers!!
Natalie,

Nichole said...

I don't know you and You don't know me, but my heart is with you everyday. You are such an amazing person. So strong. I don't know that I could ever be so strong. Every time I look at my baby girl (9mo) I think of you and your little boy. My heart prays for you each day. You are an inspiration.

Camille said...

Your strength is inspiring! Thank you for sharing such tender feelings publicly. My heart breaks for you for losing your precious little angel. xoxo

stef j. said...

nat, i've been brooding over this same subject. maybe pondering is a better word... i learned a lot about prayer and the purpose of prayer through your experience, our experience, with pleading with Heavenly Father over the life of baby gavin.

as always, your faith is bolstering. and i love your guts!

you are brave. strong. courageous. faithful. capable.

christine said...

I'm just one of many complete strangers who have followed your terrifying journey in the last weeks. Several times, I have started to express my thoughts and sympathies, but came up short. Today I just have to say that I am amazed by your incredible strength.

God Bless you and your family.

Anita said...

I don't know how you ever did that either. Maybe God gave you strength...just like when babies are born into the world...or maybe you are just exceptionally strong. Prayers for all of you...

Anna said...

Wow, your strength and Faith astound me. You are still in our Prayers. You are an amazing Mother.

The Cricket on the Hearth said...

Thank you. Thank you again, and again, and again...

Kelly said...

I don't know how you do it. You are much stronger then I believe I ever could be. Your faith is amazing!

Kaija said...

Thank you for strengthening my own testimony. Your faith and testimony is amazing. My prayers are with you, that you will continue to feel peace and comfort from our Heavenly Father.

ashley said...

Thank you so much for sharing that. You have an amazing testimony. You inspire me and no doubt countless others.

Hilary Burton said...

It will be nice to see the Big Guy and talk with him face to face. I'm impressed with your faith after this experience. I appreciate your words. I am amazed that you believe these things.

I guess for me...he's got some explaining to do though.

Love ya...

Hills

Carlita said...

you are so classy. and strong. and clearly have been visited with the powers of angels in this life. thank you for your inspiring experiences and words, even though the heartbreak is unimagineable.

god is good. thank you for the reminder.

KellyC said...

Your ability to believe is absolutely amazing. I wish I had the same faith you do, and because of that faith, somehow you will get thru this. Your family is in my thoughts everyday. What a perfect angel we have watching over us.

lilia said...

no words to express how deeply you move me and how your courage gives me courage, your faith gives me faith and your testimony strengthens mine. (((((hugs))))) Thank you.

Stacey Elizabeth said...

your words are so amazingly profound and beautiful. thank you for sharing your story with us. peace be with you.

Tracy said...

That was beautifully written but I can't stop the tears...I am so sorry for your loss!

Judy said...

I pray God blesses you and your family in untold ways. Your faith in Him is a profound testament to life here and in the hereafter. Continue to carry your heads high as you've been doing, knowing your faith has increased that of so many others. In His name, Judy in Florida

seenbox photography said...

Sweet Gavin is continuing his mission by changing lives on earth through you and your testimony. You are amazing. And so is your amazing son. :) (I'm a friend of Kara Allen's by the way, and am so glad I found your site.) You are an example to me of staying true to yourself on your blog, and not leaving things out because other people may not share your beliefs. It is really inspiring.

rychelle said...

you are a beacon.
and continuously in my prayers.

Drew and Edith said...

hi. i've been following your blog thru a mutual friend. i've tried several times to comment and always found myself out of words. you are an amazing,courageous & inspiring mother. and you're right, God is Good. my prayers are with you and your family.

Jen and Bryan said...

You are amazing. Absolutely amazing. You have no idea the lives you are touching and the people who will accept the gospel because of your loving, sincere words. I admire you SO much and know that our dear Father in Heaven and your sweet little Gavin watch from so very close by. That being said, my heart breaks for you still and I cry everytime I read your blog.

Amanda said...

Natalie,
I do not know you (heard about your family through Mary Saou), but you have been in my thoughts and prayers constantly. Your baby Gavin is so, so loved! Reading your experiences are completely gut-wrenching and I honestly don't think I could be saying the same things if it were my child. I have so much respect for you and desire the same faith as yours. My family recently had to let someone go and as I was reading your blog, it brought back all of the memories and feelings of that time. It felt like the exact same story and heartache. I cannot stop praying for you and your family. Again, praying for more and more peace, comfort and wisdom.

Ginna said...

Thank you for your sweet, inspring and amazing testimony Natalie. My heart is absolutely broken over your story and I have been thinking of you often--just another one of the strangers who are touched and blessed by your experience.
What a blessing our faith is, and I am so glad you've felt the spirit so strongly.
I wish I were near so I could give you a big hug. You've helped me be stronger.

Lead said...

Thank you. Tears are rolling down my face. You gave up so much to KNOW god and his plan for us. I've never met you but when I talk about you to other people I refer to you as my friend. THANK YOU for your strength. Thank you for your testimony that you will see your son again one day because families ARE FOREVER. I love you and your family. You will forever be in my prayers.

pinky said...

Tears... You have such an amazing strength and faith. Thank you for sharing. Hugs to you and your family.

Molly Bea said...

Natalie...that was beautiful. No need to say more. We love you guys.

kimsueellen said...

You are changing lives and hearts with your testimony Nat. We love all of you. Thank you for all that you are.

cynthia said...

what a testimony and a challenge to those who, at times...forget

my heart breaks for you and your husband but at the same time it's refeshening to hear your heart

Kendra said...

Dear Natalie, I have only recently discovered your blog. I am touched by your courage and strength in your faith. I have lost a child and understand the heartache you are going thru. Your faith is inspirng. I remember my realization that God remained with me when I heard the laughter of my children, witnessed a sunset, or came to notice the glories of Him all around me. This was comforting to me. I wish, for you and your family, to find comfort and peace. Thank you for your postings in your time of grief. With prayers and love...

Jill said...

Natalie...your faith is simply amazing...your testimony is one that so many need to hear. Thank you for sharing your personal details with us.

jen said...

Oh Natalie....Thank you for sharing. I hope someday I can grow up and be just like you.

April said...

Natalie, You do not know me and I'm sure you don't know a lot of the people that your faith has touched. I don't know what to say other than, Thank you. Your faith has increased mine.

Lorraine said...

today's blog is amazing, powerful,divinely inspired. thankyou Natalie.
On the day Gavin went Home, I wept before the Lord and asked why. Thousands of believers were praying and I knew God could hear those prayers, knew He still heals in our day. As I quieted myself before Him with the question still in my heart, one thought kept coming to my mind. This is it: "which is the greater miracle, that a physical body is healed, or that a broken heart continues to give glory, praise and proclaims My goodness and reality through unimmaginable heart ache, loss and grief? Which shows My sustaining grace to so many wounded, broken hearts and lives that need to know I am what they need? Gavin has seen my Face and is whole, his mother and father will be walking, living, healed testimonies of My love, grace and sustaining power. In the midst of deep grief and brokeness they will show forth continued life sustained by peace only found in Me."
Natalie, your blog today shows the power of who and what He is. You've answered the two questions that I couldn't answer. though your heart is broken and your loss has been great, you are proclaiming what the world needs to hear, He is big enough.
You will still grieve, and there's healing in that, but sweet lady how you are bringing glory and honor to God!
Until that day, hold to His unchanging Hand.
Lorraine

Summer's World said...

wow. thanks. I can't think to say much else.

Melissa E Photography said...

Beautiful.

I can't imagine how hard it would be to accept God's will on this large of a scale. It's hard enough with the trivial things in life.

Prayers for you and your fam to heal!

Drennan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Drennan said...

Hi Natalie,

I don't know you but I love you and your family. Wow! You are amazing. I am praying for you.

With love,
Drennan

James and Cloe said...

Little Gavin couldn't have been sent to a better mommy.

My prayers have been and will continue to be with you, and your family in the days ahead.

Jill said...

Your Amazing!
oh and I believe...

Whitney Elizabeth said...

you did it again. i felt the Spirit and the Love of God. Oh how blessed is the Atonement!
oh, and you made me cry...again.
sending love.

Made by JAM said...

You are THE strongest woman that I know. You are an inspiration to me and life. Your faith, your love, your words just touch me so deeply! They make me believe in Him even more. Thank you for sharing your story, thoughts, and beliefs with us.

Jake & Bryton said...

thank you for your words on faith. i still don't understand faith, but because what you put eloquently into print, i feel i understand just a mustard seed more. thank you for your strength. your example stretches far beyond your home in hawaii. all the best,
-bryton and husband.

Adrianna said...

Thank you for sharing your testimony and allowing me to feel of your faith and strength. Reading your blog has helped me feel closer to Heavenly Father and has strengthened me. From one daughter of God to another, I love you and continue to pray for you and your family. May your heart heal and may you feel love and peace.

Tara said...

What a blessing to know that families are forever. I am thinking of you and want you to know that your testimony has strengthened mine, and that I am praying for your family.

Kate said...

my heart is touched and faith strengthened. may you and your family be comforted at this time. we send our love and continue our prayers for your family.

xoxo

the militonis said...

so i just found your blog through a friends an i can not tell you how it touched my soul. my husband and i wear sealed with our 3 year old daughter just 2 weeks ago in utah after 3 years of marriage and i keep thinking on what a blessing we have in our lives to know that when we die we will have each other on the other side of the veil to hug us. you son is beautiful and his spirit is great. in turn you are his mother.....you must be an amazing woman to have such a child and to be challenged in such a way. i am a firm believer that our challenges are for our good. and you have made this huge trial into a miracle because of you faith and love for our heavenly father....i love you....not as a stranger but as your sister in heaven and i love you family....my prayers are with you always

Tiffany said...

You don't know me, I heard about your blog from a friend of mine. I am a mother of 4 and I just wanted you to know what an inspiration you are to more people than you know! Your pure testimony of God's love is beautiful and inspireing! I have no doubts that you will be reuintied with your baby boy along with our Heavenly Father, and what a reunion!!

Kristen said...

you.are.incredible.

miss you.

Effandi aka 'BURN' said...

May god bless you and your family..

Katherine @ Grass Stains said...

In this time of grief, you continue to amaze me with your faith. I just don't know how you do it. Blessings to you all ... I am still praying for you.

Jill said...

My goodness. I can barely breathe right now. I have a daughter born just 2 days before your beautiful Gavin. I am amazed by your strength + testimony of God. Thank you for sharing even in your grief. I know what you said is true, he will be yours again, and I am praying for you and your family to have strength in this difficult time.

Jacque said...

natalie,

i just came across your blog, and i just wanted to say how inspiring and beautiful and powerful your words are.

thank you so much for sharing them.

Rachel said...

That was so beautiful, you're still in my prayers. Thank you for sharing.

Marilyn said...

Thank you for sharing. Your faith and experience here has reminded me that God has a plan, and you are part of that plan in sharing this story. The lives you have touched through your faith and love is such an inspiration. May you and your family and sweet parents continue to feel HIS comforting spirit. Much love to you.
Marilyn

Doin' It Digital (Shannon C.) said...

You are amazing and I am crying! It's so hard to always know His will. And you are so faithful! You have strengthened me.

Rebecca said...

This post brought tears to my eyes. You are an amazing woman of faith!!!

Hillary said...

this is the single most powerful thing I have ever read. your unwavering faith in God is amazing. I am sitting here on my couch, in tears - for you and your family - for Gavin - for me because i am not that strong. . .God Bless.

Hillary

Sweet Cottage Dreams said...

I found your blog this morning from Tara's blog.....

You write so beautifully with such grace and dignity. My heart mourns for you, your husband and your angel, Gavin. There are many things in life of which there is no explanation, no advanced notice, no red flags to alert us. God doesn't intend for us to know our path ahead. It is with FAITH that we should live our life by. Pure trust in our Father and understanding of his words. I love the passage, Mosiah 4:9.

To know your grief is something I can honestly say. Our oldest son passed away (Jordan, age 25) on 2.4.09. God took him home with him that day. I never got to say goodbye.

Now I am sitting here crying for you and want you to know that your little angel will always, always - forever on earth - be with you.

God Bless you and your family,
Becky
(((hugs)))

Krystal said...

Natalie- I don't know you but, my sister refered me to your post. I also lost my PERFECT baby boy this July. I agree with you fully you never quite understand how you let go of them and leave that place. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that I will see him again and that I will hold him in my arms. I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you.

Suzi Q said...

I don't know you at all. But your faith is amazing and this post is beautiful! Thank you for boosting my faith!

Benson & Sarah Garner said...

Beautiful, powerful, lovely and oh so true.

Leslee said...

Wow, what amazing faith! I came across your blog from another and have been touched by your story!

Heather said...

Thank you for sharing this. God will continue to pour out his blessings on you and your family because of your faith AND your willingness to share. Thank you. We continue to pray for your peace and happiness.

oneshotbeyond said...

The scripture and words you conveyed this message with are so very beautiful-though heart wrenching. I am humbled by your faith & strength through this time.

shari berry bo-berry said...

i.love.you.

never met you, but love you.

love, love, LOVE you. your words, your spirit...move me and make me want to be better.

prayers and love still coming from huntington beach...

Shanna said...

Natalie,
Wow i am speechless... My heart continues to go out to you and your family. I have prayed for you every night. It's funny that I don't really know you and continue to pray for you to feel peace and comfort. Everything I read brought back so many memories of my little Logan. I can honestly say I know what that is like saying good bye to your little baby who was only here for a short time. It's so comforting knowing that we will be with our children again and raise them in a perfect world. your strength amazes me. I feel truly blessed finding your blog!

Gavin is a lucky little boy to deserve you as a mother!

Shanna LeRoy

Rachel Clare said...

I'm weeping as I read this post. Just weeping.
You are so strong, and your testimony and faith so real. It's strengthened mine. How sweet is the Plan of Happiness.
Big hugs from Southern CA...

Melissa said...

that is such a great perspective, and way to look at it.

You have a really great way with words.

Sarah and Desmond said...

You are one of the most amazing women. Because of you, I have been cuddling my two little girls more everyday. Your strength is uplifting. Please know you and your family continue to be in our thoughts and prayers.

Truly and Shane said...

I'm not sure I even have the words... your testimony is beautiful and its such a strength to me that you have allowed yourself to stay close to Heavenly Father and understand he knows best. It's just so amazing to me, really in truly amazing. You're spirit is undeniabley so pure. Gavin was so blessed to be here on earth, even for a short while, to get to be held and embraced by you. There's no doubt in my mind that he felt your spirit. What a reunion that will be someday! Prayers are being sent your way from people you don't even know...however, we're all true brothers and sisters anyway, right? Love to you and your family!
One day at a time...

Mike, Torie and Boys said...

Nat,
I just found your blog and I am so sorry about the your loss. It breaks my heart.

You are a inspiration to me. You truly amaze me. You always have. You are so strong.


I am sure your sweet brother Gavin is taking good care of him.
Your in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Torie Varney Christofferson

Holly said...

Natalie and family-

Words cannot express how sorry I am for you. Your words are inspiring. I will pray for you everyday.

Cordie said...

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL POST! THANKS FOR SHARING!!! GOD IS GOOD!

Heidi said...

I don't even know you and yet hurt for your hurt. Thank you for sharing your faith during this hard hard time. It has strengthened mine. We are still thinking of your family and praying for you.
--h

Da Denninghoff's said...

Oh Natalie! I just want to give you a hug. A really tight hug filled with so much love. I read this post with blurry eyes and a huge burning lump in my throat. What you shared is so TRUE in a very hard way in times like these. But you embrace the TRUTH and let it consume you. I can't tell you fully in words what your experience has done for me. I have a stronger HOPE because of your LOVING example and your willingness to share. My heart is soften towards God because of you. You are indeed a daughter of God, oh how evident that really is.

Stephanie said...

I have been wanting to write you for days...and haven't quite known what to say. Your post today was SO touching i couldn't not say Thank you for your faith and thoughts. You and Richie are so strong even when it is hard to be. Thank you for sharing this experience with us. Please also tell Richie my dad sends his condolences(he taught him business while R was attending BYU-H, and he thinks the world of Richie). He will probably be e-mailing him since my Dad dosen't quite understand blog. Once again, we continue to pray for you and your sweet family.

a mermaid said...

i have been carrying this post and all of your words- and more particularly your dreams about baby gavin around with me with a solemn but hopeful heart over the last couple of days. i feel peace and comfort in your words, but sadness that you have to experience this loss and hold our hands through it as well. you are so good to though. i can't believe all the people you have touched. what a truly beautiful and special family. we are blessed to know you.

SNL Photo said...

Your faith is amazing! Continue to allow God to use you love! I think of your family often..

soontobmom said...

You are such a strong woman. RIP gavin, you are now with Jesus and God looking down on us . God Bless You.

Anonymous said...

Natalie,

I wanted to tell you that I have been praying for you and your family as so many did me when I thought my world was crashing. Reading your posts a me peace I so desperately needed.
Thank you, my friend.

A

Deborah - Orlando Fl said...

You are such an amazing woman of faith and I hope to learn a few things from you. I'm so sorry for your loss, Gavin has wonderful parents in you and your husband. You will see him again. Your story touched me so much. God Bless You and your family.

Monica said...

You don't know me, but I couldn't just leave your blog this morning without telling you how much you are in my thoughts and prayers over the last little while. You are an AMAZING girl and our Hevenly Father has to be SO amazed by you...truly inspirational. Tears are flowing from my eyes. The pain you feel I cannot comprehend. Your faith helps me. Your faith teaches me. Your faith is out there for the world to see...and that is amazing!

Brooke said...

Oh courageous Natalie, your faith strengthens ours. My prayers continue for you and your family. ♥

Rachel said...

I have been checking your blog daily just to find inspiration in a time of darkness. Your statements are so powerful and your faith is amazing. God has truly blessed you with a gift, a gift for encouraging others. My sincerest condolences during this difficult time. You and your family are in my prayers.

Ryan*Kendra*Kenz said...

I almost feel I shouldnt write. My name is Kendra. My story- although not the same- very similar to yours. I lost my beautiful 4 month old girl last month. I came to your blog because of the last post I wrote. Someone who knows you told me to come here. I have been reading and crying. You have a belief I dont have, but want. I was never religous or even very spiritual. Then came that time in the PICU. I search and search for answers. I reached out for any prayer. I seemed to find peace then. But now- without her. I feel I have nothing. How do you do it? Maybe you dont want to talk. I completely understand. BELIEVE ME. I know when I just dont even want to respond to someone else. But someday- maybe, if you can, could you help me. Just let me know how you know of God and know you will see your sweet-perfect little boy again. Im so sorry for your loss. I ache for you. I have felt from time to time- no one understands this pain. This specific kind of pain. I hope you know, I know it. I ask for your help but if you ever need something. Please reach out to me to. We live far apart, but I will be here. Im thinking of you and your family- your husband and your other wonderful boys. Thank you for sharing your life.

John, Mica, and Little J said...

Wow... I cannot imagine. I also couldn't get through this without many tears... Faith is not easy, especially when it means letting go of something you love SOO much, even though it is temporary! Way to go. Keep the faith. I do believe God comprehends these things way more than we can, and that He will take care of you. He loves you so much. Many hugs and prayers are still coming from this way, for you and your family!
Love, Mica and Little J

Allison said...

Thank you for sharing your beautiful testimony and faith. You are so able to articulate feelings, especially in times of distress- I think that is a blessing to many others, thank you for sharing. My mother died about a year ago (we were very close) and I have read your story, I've been grateful for someone who is so able to explain the mercies of the Lord along with all the blessings and sweet promises we have in the gospel. Thank you. You truely are an inspiration. I found your blog from a fellow photographer, but I will be forever grateful. My heart is with you and your family. I'm so sorry for your loss. We're praying for you here in SLC. Heavenly Father must be proud- of what remarkable people you are.

Latu-Vaki Family said...

as I sit here bawling and holding my huge pregnate belly, I cry because of your faith. Its easy for me to want to think I could be as strong and faithful as you are. I often think how I would be able to handle such a situtation if it happened to me. I don't think I could do it. But your words are so strong. God has spoken through you to all that read your blog. Your perfect words have bore truth and a great testimony of faith. I keep praying for you and your family. I too believe.

Sharon said...

Dearest Natalie
My heart aches for you. I cried and cried when I read this post. I don't know how you left that room. Even with faith in our awesome God, it is so difficult to let go. I pray God will heal the hurt and comfort you. Only He can, nothing and no one can ever fill that void. Lots of love and hugs to you xxx

The Smiths said...

Oh Natalie, Jon and I already learned and grew so much through your posts over the last couple years about your brother, and I can't believe how you keep teaching us now. I love your perspective. I love your understanding of the nature of God. I love your honest and raw heartfelt faith. I love your strength, your aura of peace, and your beautiful gift of sharing it with everyone. Because of you, I see life with a bigger heart, with more humility for my blessings, and more overwhelming gratitude for my husband and little boy. Because of you I better understand my role and power as a mother. Because of you I feel like I can more clearly see how strong the human body is, how fragile life is, and how utterly powerful God is. Because of you, I have been touched. And changed.

Thank you for sharing your stories with us in the most beautiful words. You are an example to us all. Our hearts, love, and prayers continue to go out to you.

Love,
Jon and Melissa

Creed Family said...

I don't know how it feels to lose a child but I do know the depth of a mother's love. I weep for your loss and admire your strength. I add my testimony to yours - the gospel is true and brings sweet peace.

The High Family- said...

I am another person who does not know you. You are a friend of a friend. I am a mom of 3 little boys and I have a soft spot for moms of boys. Please know that your little Gavin is smiling so brightly because of you. I know it, I feel it. I know he is truly wrapped in the arms of a loving Father. Your faith is perfect, your testimony unwavering. Thank you for allowing me to read such sacred thoughts. May our Father comfort you and your family and bring joy to your heart and home.

Krissy said...

Natalie- it's Krissy (Payne) Whittenburg. My mom had heard about little Gavin and let me know, and I just happened across your blog today. It's been forever since I've seen you (probably since Jr High rollerblading on Hillside Circle or something), but my heart aches for you. My heart ached for you when I heard about your brother Gavin a few years ago, and it doubly aches for you now. He is a beautiful baby. I'll continue to pray for you as some of the hardest days may be yet to come, although your faith will certainly carry you through.

Mrs. S said...

Wow. I just came across your blog about a week ago. I am in tears as I write this. God IS good! I don't know how you are this strong, I would not be. I'm so sorry for your loss, but as you said, you will be reunited one day.

Much love.

debbie said...

Thank you for being willing to share your experiences. You will probably never know how many people you are helping. I am continuing to pray for you and a few other moms who have lost sweet little ones and whose blogs I have gone to because they left comments on yours.

Brittney said...

Thank you. Thank you so much for sharing your sweet sweet testimony. Each time I read your posts I feel the spirit sooo strongly. I admire, and pray for you. You are loved.

Lydia said...

I love that scripture in Mosiah. I sure hope you are healing. It's hard, I've been there. But I know that families are forever and I'm glad that you have that comfort as well. You are still in our thoughts and prayers.

Cristina said...

You amaze me.

Lisa said...

your posting is beautiful. it reminded me of an article that i read in january's l.d.s. ensign magazine (pg. 16-17). the author says that "believing in miracles and the power of the priesthood are important. but faith sufficient to accept the Father's will may be MORE important." he then references john chapter 17 where the Savior gives the intercessory prayer. we truly can become one with Them. i think that is the hardest thing we must learn in this life, because we are here sometimes seemingly alone and not able to see things as They do...but we must remember that we really aren't alone. your faith and your story has touched my life. thank you.

Carolyn West said...

Natalie,
I know you musn't be feeling it right now, but you are so strong and whether it be in your faith and deep in your soul, it is shining thru and God's great love and compassion is surrounding you in a big bear hug!
Religion knows no bounds when we all gather together to pray and join in the love of God to comfort and try, maybe feebly, but try so hard to take some of that hurt away!! I pray, and my kids pray for your family, they were so sad to hear of Gavin's passing, without even knowing him, it brought tears to their eyes, and have been praying for you and his brothers and his dad to be ok, for God to watch over you all, just know we love you all and are thinking and praying for all of you every day!!
Carolyn West

Alicia said...

I just found your blog tonight through a friend of mine. I am so deeply touched by the story of your son. I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling. It is rather amazing that during the worst tragedies in our life, we feel the most love. Thank you for reminding me what is most important. You will be in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

I found your blog through a friend of mine. You're words were beautiful, powerful and bittersweet. I couldn't even begin to fathom the nightmare you and your family have had to go through. I do admit, it had been a couple weeks since I last checked the progress and I was just heartbroken to see your last couple of posts. No parent should ever have to go through what you have gone through, let alone with such grace and dignity. I pray for you and your family to find some peace. What a beautiful story you have told that epitomizes the sheer love between a mother and her child. God Bless.

Tress said...

I Pray....
I pray that you have friends around you listening to your stories about your son....
I pray that you journal about every little detail about this excellent boy and man....
I pray that you cling to Jesus and your husband when you cannot escape the pain....
I pray that all words to you and your family are kind....
I pray that you do not feel guilty about anything....
I pray that you treat yourself as the special woman you are and you spoil yourself with little treats during this time....
I pray you go on a vacation to flee from this down the road....
Most of all I pray you never go through this hurt again.

When we lost our son this verse showed me how close God was to me during that moment:
Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted....

You are in my prayers
Tress

Maria said...

Natalie,

I can feel the presence of God through your connected spirit as you pour out your soul in these words, A love as deep as Jesus' radiates through your inspiring posts. You must know how powerfully God is using sweet baby Gavin to touch so many lives and change so many lives ~ to me that is the story of a live well lived, no matter how short.

I pray His peace continues to blanket you & your family,

Maria

Steph and Brock said...

I don't know you, but you are truly amazing! God Bless!

AKG said...

Hi Natalie!

Want to let you know, you are still
in our minds and thoughts!!!! Stay strong!!! Thank you for letting us be part of your faith!

All the best from Germany, AK

c r y s t a l said...

The most beautiful words I have ever read.

Ashley and Chris Miles said...

WOW!! I know knowledge is such an amazing gift thanks for inspiring me to seek more

MissouriMormonMama said...

I know you don't know me, but I wanted to thank you for sharing such a lovely testimony. May you continue to find the peace and strength you need. You're in my prayers.
Susie

K said...

Thank you for strengthening my testimony. I know what you know. And rejoice in the gift of understanding and reassurance. There will be days when you almost can't bear it. But you know how to hold on. Again. Thank you.

Melody said...

As I wrote a comment for your more recent post the words "why God didn't answer our prayers of faith." stared back at me in big bold letters. My eyes kept going back to it. Maybe He DID answer them. Maybe it isn't that our prayers aren't being answered, maybe it is just that we are asking for the wrong thing or thinking of it the wrong way. He DID live. You said that at least once I think. He was going to live no matter what happened. Of course we wanted him to live here but more than anything we wanted him to be happy and not be in pain. Prayers answered! I didn't actually get to know your blog until after he had passed but I read it and it felt so real like it was happening in real time. I prayed for strength for you. I can't even imagine the strength it took to let him go. What an incredibly fortunate kid to have you guys for a family!

The.Marcellus.Family said...

Dear Natalie.

My cousin in law Wendy Holmes sent me to your page. I can't even begin to tell you how intense the spirit was while I read your posts. I have a daughter right now who is in the NICU and is going on 28 days of being there. She was born nine weeks early and decided to arrive Christmas morning. I am convinced it is because she wants more presents when she gets older. But reading your story very much touches close to home. I so badly would give anything to hug you. You have changed my outlook on life, my family, my daughter, and my views of the church, and being a better mother. As much as you say you "owe" those doctors...that to me right at this moment is how much I owe you. I so badly have needed an eye opener, and you got me 100%. Thank you for sharing your story and for strengthening my testimony and for letting me really embrace motherhood the way it should be.

One Million Thank You's from Utah

Mason,Donna, and baby Khloe Mae.

Marcellus_08@hotmail.com

Kris said...

Natalie, I'm so sorry. You described a similar scene in my hospital room. It is the most difficult thing to tell your child it's okay to go. I wanted to share another Bible verse that has meant a lot to me as well, James 1:12 - Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life. (MSG)

Praying for your family.

Andrew and Charonne- said...

You dont know me, but thank you..............you are an amazing woman to share this

OurLittleFamily said...

I am grateful that you have courage enough to share your story. I have four little ones (ages 3, 5, 6, and 8)and they are so precious to me. When my littlest one was an infant I feared for him, that he would be the one who did not make it. So many families lose little ones, why should we escape easily? Reading your story has made me realize that I have slackened in my prayers thanking God that all four of my sweet, beautiful children are alive and very healthy. I wonder why I have been spared that pain sometimes. Then I read your story, and your faith astounds me. The pain would crush me. The loss would devastate me. But you do what you have to do to get through. And you are doing that. You are strong and full of faith. Thank you for your example. Thank you for reminding me just how much I love my precious little ones. I am so sorry for your loss. Hold your head high, remember who you are and live worthy to be with your little one again.

Cynthia W. said...

thank you for sharing, your words are extremely moving, I'm in tears and I glorify our Lord, for those amazing promises he gave us-that we will see our loved ones again.
see I lost my sister 3 months ago. I know that God holds my family in his hands. We also know this separation is temporary.

xoxo

Keith and Charayye said...

You don't know me, I found your blog through another who was telling about this. I had tears rolling down my face as I read your beautiful words. I have an eight month old son which made me just overcome with emotion putting myself in your position, I honestly did for a brief moment. You are such a strong woman, and the faith you have is incredible. Isn't it comforting to know we will see our loved ones again. Hearing this makes you forget all the petty things in life that we worry about and remind us of what's REALLY important. Reading this was something I definatley was grateful to come across and read. My son is sleeping right now and I want to go in and just watch him, it's something I do but this time it will just be different. I do believe other people can be insturments of god, you definately were for me. Thank you again for your beautiful words. You will be in my prayers.

Truly and Shane said...

The comment above is my sister in law (who read about your story on my blog) and several of the comments have been my family. We all have so much love to give, Natalie. And I realize I've already commented a few days ago. however, Since I came across your blog this week I cannot clear my head. I find myself thinking of your family at the grocery store, in the car, during dinner. When I pray for you and your family, I can feel the spirit stronger at that particular moment during my prayer than others. SO thank you for welcoming our prayers on your behalf; they are testimony builders for all of 'us' too.

Michelle Jones said...

Natalie, I read that you lost your brother, Gavin, in addition to your baby Gavin. The irony in this is enough to make any lesser woman completely devoid of anything resembling faith; yet, you not only continue to SHOW faith, but your faith is INDESTRUCTIBLE. Lucky, no, not lucky, completely and permanently BLESSED is this world because of your testimony.

You have a gift for words. Because of your undying testimony mixed with your gift for words, you are mending hearts the world over.

I needed some heart-mending, and mostly I needed someone to remind me that NO MATTER what happens, faith is about "ultimate submission to, and trust in, His perfect will".

Thank you for sharing your soul here. And, thanks for the occasional bits of humor, 'cause heaven knows we need that too.

p.s. tell Richie we love him. You are so lucky to have each other.

Krystal Muellenberg said...

I just stumbled over your blog today. Your faith and attitude is amazing. I can't imagine having to endure the loss you have, and am incredibly encouraged and blessed by your words. You and your family are in my prayers. thank you for sharing your amazing testimony with all of us.

PMC said...

thank you for writing this...thank you for sharing.

Fisher Family said...

my thoughts are with you

Pam said...

that is the most powerful thing I have read in a very long time...I wish you nothing but Gods peace for you and your family as you deal with this precious loss...It is people like you who make this world a better place and Gavin was so blessed (as are your other children) to have you for a mom!
God Bless and you are in my prayers!

Dana said...

Thank you for your testimony. Bless you. I think you are amazing.

mahina said...

Natalie, you don't know me, but you know my sister Malia. I have been reading your blog since little gavin passed away and your faith and your strength amaze me! thank you for your testimony. i keep coming back to this post especially. there is an amazing spirit about your very personal experience! i am preparing a lesson for my R.S. and i was wondering if it would be alright for me to share this in my lesson? it is from the conference talk given by Elder Scott "To Acquire Spiritual Guidance" and he talks about how spirituality yields 2 fruits, 1st inspiration, 2nd power/capacity to do. every time i read that my mind keeps returning to this post b/c it is clear that you experienced just that!

your writing is beautiful! anyway, let me know if that would be ok. i will respect your wishes either way! mahinamason@comcast{dot}net. thank you!

Jodi Gallagher said...

Natalie, I don't know how to express what I am feeling. I am amazed by your faith. I can't make the tears stop, you really touched my heart. I kissed every finger and every toe on my 4 month old today. I held him extra long tonight before bed and kissed his cheeks a hundred times. I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers. I hope you can continue to be so strong and keep your wonderful attitude and spirit. Thanks for writing this beautiful post and sharing it with us. You are such a great example to all of us.

Diana said...

My favorite part of this: "It was our faith that was keeping Gavin's beautiful, pure, PERFECT spirit
here in this fallen world....I became keenly aware of my inherent strength as a literal spirit daughter of God."

You taught me something new. Thanks for your powerful testimony and strength. Prayer is stronger than gravity. And I am glad that God is wonderful enough to allow *you* to come to understand that it was your faith allowing your son to stay with you just a few minutes longer. What an eyeopening and strengthening experience

Sara McDaniel said...

Natalie,
I am so very sorry for your loss.
I really don't know what to say, other than my heart is hurting for you. I would like to tell you thank you for sharing your story, your faith, and your family with all of us. You are completely inspiring. Not just with your photographs but with your words. You speak the truth without any worries. And I find that so beautiful and honorable. You are a wonderful person, and I do pray for you, your husband, your children.
I will pray that your faith stays strong and that your love lasts forever.

Julie said...

I just found your blog tonight and went back and read the story of your sweet Gavin. Thank you for sharing his story with us. What a beautiful telling of faith and understanding. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

meredith* said...

I'm sitting here bawling. and thinking. and worrying and wondering. how you did this. i am in awe of your faith and your testimony. i cannot think about walking out a door, that you entered with him, alone. i think I'm supposed to learn from your faith. thank you. and i can't even think of a word to say it's all going to be ok in the end. do i really believe that? the temple is where i need to go to sort this out.