One Year Ago Today. . .

One year ago today, my life changed forever.

Gavin,

You are my best friend, you are my inspiration,
you are my compass, and I love you.
Here we are, one ENTIRE YEAR LATER,
and still,
I long for you every day, and you fill my dreams at night.
Your laughter rings sweet in my ears,
and your smile burns deep and lasting in my memory.
I can't wait for the day when we will walk together again,
hand in hand, laughing, singing and being
. . . together.
Until then, I promise to be brave,
live true, stand tall and love, love, love. . .
Heaven knows you did.

I love you.

See you soon . . . but not too soon I hope!
Frrrr. . . :)

xoxo,

Sis

Ultimately.

Sometimes I really miss you brother.
Sometimes I'm afraid I'm starting to forget.
Sometimes you still make me laugh out loud.
Sometimes I cry myself to sleep.
Sometimes I'm so happy for you I can hardly breathe.

. . . Sometimes I wish things were different, but ultimately I know that for whatever reason they're right just the way they are.

But baby brother, I sure to miss you. Every. Single. Day.

I love you.

xoxo,
Nat

In memory of Gavin David Link
January 27, 1986-June 17, 2007

Happy Birthday Sweet Gavin.

Gav,

Sure do miss you little man.

I decided to throw you a party- Heaven knows you love a good party. . . er Jousting Tournament. . . Ok, so I won't be bringing sheet metal down to the beach like last year, and there won't be any bikes posing as noble steeds, but I will bring out your jousts and helmets just for old time's sake. It's sure to be a rockin' good time . . . anyhow. . .

I though it would be good for the boys. The party I mean. Its hard for them. Lincoln's oblivious. Cardon talks about you all the time, he pretends like all his toys were gifts from you. I guess they're more fun to play with that way. Makes sense. The other night I found Raleigh laying in bed weeping. Don't worry though, he's got more clarity than any of us. He cries and cries and then finds something wonderful to laugh at you over. He went to bed SO HAPPY in the end. He sleeps with that awful penguin you bought him at FAO Schwartz every night. I think ultimately he loved you most of all. His Unkie. . . you were all his, weren't you. . .

Yesterday I was in the cake aisle trying to pick you a cake mix. Couldn't remember what your favorite kind was. That's a lie. Certainly it's Jewel Cake, but that's too complicated to make . . . maybe if you were actually going to be at the party to enjoy it. Anyway, so I broke down in tears right there in aisle 9. The sobbing kind of tears that usually only come at night . . . in my room . . . after the kids are asleep.

Today in church I thought about you a lot. Then the congregation sang Families Can Be Together Forever to close. I cried, the sobbing kind again. But this time because my heart was happy . . . lonely. . . and happy. We really will be together, forever. Someday. I had to give the closing prayer in the meeting. Thanks for helping me calm down enough to speak. Thought you were sneaky. Never were quite sneaky enough to get past me.

Well, don't worry, the tears are all done for the day. I promise not to ruin your "black pantha pardy." But I sure do miss you.

I love you little man. SO MUCH!

Hey, pay mom and dad a visit for me today if you can. I know they'd love to know you were near.

Love you always and always and forever and ever! I am SO PROUD OF YOU.

Love,

Sis

Gavin David Link
January 27, 1986- June 17, 2007

Happy Anniversary. . . of sorts.

Today marks 6 months since my little brother Gavin died unexpectedly in his sleep of natural causes. He was 21 years old.

I stopped by the Old Laie Cemetary today where he's buried and had a good cry. Tall, flowing grass now covers the heap of sand that quietly awaits a stone that will probably read, "Here Lies Gavin, Son, Unkie, Brother, Friend," but probably SHOULD read "Gavtron, 1986-2007, temporarily visiting Planet Zurg."

If you look closely you'll find pumpkin seeds sprinkled throughout the grass from the pumpkins the boys and I took over for Halloween. Pumpkins with writing dictated by Raleigh that read "Unkie, We miss you! We wanted to put these pumpkins on your grave because we know how much you love trick-or-treating. We love you. Have fun! See you soon."





Sometimes I kneel and lay my cheek on the sand. Today, when I did, I saw a ladybug dancing happily along unaware of the solemnity I feel on that spot, and pulling me back to times of laughter and joy. I followed willingly.

I am always so touched by what I find there, and this visit was no exception. His grave was COVERED in flower leis, candy and gifts from friends who graduated BYUH on Sat. A few weeks ago someone left a championship medal from a soccer tournament. I am incapable of saying how VERY MUCH these remembrances mean to us. THANK YOU for loving and REMEMBERING my brother. Truly, I am so very touched.

"They" say that anniversaries are hard days, whether you consciously recognize the date or not. In fact, my mom reports that often she'll be having an exceptionally hard day and then she'll write a check and realize it's the 17th. Interesting how our hearts wrap around things that our brains refuse to acknowledge. . . attempting to offer protection, however feebly from the pain our hearts feel regardless.

I had a tender "talk" with my brother today and suddenly became poignantly aware of how long it's been since I've heard so much as a giggle or seen even his sly half mouthed grin in response. I began to sink to about a step above despair, when in that very instant, and in true form, the kids set off the car alarm and I was called back to consciousness. Ha! Now I don't mean this in the derogatory, and wish no offense, but THANK GOD for those boys who constantly give me the will and energy to live. . .and bless me with the resolve not only to live, but to LIVE WELL despite. I think without them I would struggle not to selfishly sit on the "me, me me" mule riding 'round and 'round the corral of despond.



Anyway, today in memory of my sweet brother, do something for me. Choose not to merely live but to LIVE WELL. Heaven knows He did.

Yup, it's poop.

Pirate Treasure!

When Gavin died he left treasures for everyone. Most were within his time capsul which in true "Gavin form" he'd compiled (with journals, letters, pictures . . . all the things he owned that he truly treasured . . . he even went to the doctor and had them draw a vile of his own blood, which I forced him to throw out because that's absolutely disgusting) and had a friend burry for him after he left Hawaii. The plan was that in a few years, he'd return to Hawaii to retrieve it. Anyway, although that box truly is a chest filled with treasures for our family; I found my most treasured gift today. I was uploading an old memory card that I found in the bottom of my camera case and I found this picture, which was taken the day Gavin left Hawaii back in April. . . little did I know that would be the last time I'd see him in this life.


Thank you Richie for taking that shot. Pirates have nothing on me! I'll treasure this for a lifetime.

Been Away. . . here's why

I've been hassled lately about not posting anything new on my blog since June. . . sorry. Here's why:



I'm sorry if this picture creeps you out. . . time was I'd have felt the same, but now I find it only tender and peacegiving. My little brother Gavin passed away the 17th of June and I've been in Utah having some wonderful, sacred even, family time since then. Thank you all so much for the love and support. We're so filled by the love of friends, family and angels from on high that we've been literally carried through these past months of horror and pain. We are so grateful for (and to) each of you.


Saying Goodbye.

This period of time in our lives has been such an awakening. For myself in particular. Here's an excerpt from my journal that expresses, however feebly, what I'm learning through this experience:

"I am forever changed by the words 'passed away' which ring in my ears, or at least haunt my dreams--never allowing me to awake to an alternate reality. I am by all counts broken. In every way . . . . this type of pain is unfortunately not something that stops at the heart. That alone would be enough to devistate, but the brutality of it seeps through the very corners of your soul and you are never the same. BUT like the refiner's fire- you can emerge in fact better, happier, MORE whole--complete . . . rest assured that in doing so (emerging better, more complete), you do not betray the dead- or even your own heart. Rather you glorify your god who is in Heaven. Your VERY LIFE stands as a testimony of his love, his mercy and his grace. Mine will, in time."


Brotherly Farewell.


Forever Family.


Unkie's Boy.


A Hero.


Serving On High. . .

Our pain is lessened by our knowledge of where Gavin is and what he's "about" on the other side of the veil. I'll close with an excerpt from his testimony (which we are so lucky to have written down and are SURE he is busily sharing on the "other side"):

"Because of the Atonement, I have never felt lighter or happier in all my life. As I read the Book of Mormon and converse with my Father in Heaven, I draw closer to my Savior, and the Holy Ghost seals my testimony of the truthfulness of His church. The Lord had a hand in bringing me to the Truth, just as He has a hand in all our lives . . . . The Spirit will show us where to go in life, help us get there, and bless us with lasting happiness. The Gospel is wonderful! . . . The Lord loves you and me. We are very blessed, and are forever indebted to Him and His holy cause."

May we all be so blessed as to know God the way Gavin came to, live life from our hearts as he always did, and leave this earth spotless and able to stand blameless before God at the last day!

For more information about the Church of Jesus Christ of LatterDay Saints, or to obtain a copy of The Book of Mormon, visit www.mormon.org.