memorial.

I had a dream.

and I saw you.

for the first perfect time since the last.

and
you.were.beautiful. . .

and wearing that gray shirt and those light colored jeans.

of course.

and you were radiant.

and happy.

so.very.happy.

and I knew,
I KNOW,
we'll be together again.

. . .

Until that beautiful day,
Gavin. . .

love him for me.

that little you.

keep him.

love him for me.

tell him stories about his mommy.

how she loved him with every ounce of her.

and more.

tell him I named him after you,
because there was no greater honor.

for either of you.

you are after all,
perfect.

my gavins.

I love you with all of me.

and more.

xx.

Sis

PS.

Tell Uncle Bart I love him too.
I miss him sometimes almost as much as I miss you.

almost.

please tell him thank you.

for everything.

unplugged.

I'm unplugged till Monday.

Double dare you to do the same.

Have a great weekend!

xx.

Me

wahoo!

The Norton's are coming to DisneyWORLD!

AHHHHH!

I'm available for a limited number of photo sessions
on Monday the 21st of June.

email me for details!
natalienorton{at}gmail{dot}com

happiest place on Earth!

YES!

HUGE thanks to Linds at Pixie Vacations
for saving us nearly 4 billion dollars.

frustrated.

I've tried REPEATEDLY
to get ANY image to upload
and retain any semblance of decency.

For some unexplainable reason,
EVERY.SINGLE.TIME
I upload directly blogger lately,
the images look soft (read: JUNK).

If you ever want to see another picture of mine,
EVER in your life,
someone enlighten me. . .

please.

growl.

lucky shot.

(promise me you'll click to enlarge)

I know.
amazing, right?

Totally "just" a lucky shot. . .

but truth be told,
I don't believe much in luck,
except for the kind you make all by yourself.

Take the above picture for example,
I got lucky,
sure.

BUT
I was prepared for the luck when it came my way.

I've worked hard to know my gear
like the back of my hand.

I was waiting and hoping for exactly this to happen.

I was holding out patiently until my luck came a'calling.

. . .

When people say,
oh, "he just got lucky"
or "I have the WORST luck."

I hardly ever buy it.

It almost ALWAYS goes much deeper than that.

my 2 cents.

xx!

Nat

yesterday looked like sharpie.

(last night I journaled on a legal pad with a sharpie
because my real journal has disappeared from the face of the planet.
Transcribing here for the sake of posterity.)

Tonight I turned on the lamp next to my bed and thought of Shelly. About how much I really do love my lamps and that I should thank her again for buying them for me.

Then I noticed that the crickets are really loud tonight and I wished they'd pipe down. . . but then I also realized that those noisy crickets mean Summer which equals REAL time with my kids, so I apologized to the crickets in my head for thinking bad things about them. Then the strangest thing happened. The crickets went silent. All by themselves.

Cardon, today you were cute, but terribly naughty during sacrament meeting. Thankfully, you redeemed yourself by being so concerned for the new girl during Sunday school. I love you a million.

I've decided that when I refer to the Sounds of Pertussis in passing, I'm just going to refer to it as "Sounds." The word pertussis, saying it, typing it, hearing it. . . makes me feel like I'm suffocating.

My stomache hurts. Probably because I'm terribly hungry. but more likely because of all the junk (read: "CRAP") I've been ingesting like a garbage disposal since New York. Unacceptable. Ends NOW. Scouts honor.

Women's Conference is coming up. I'm speaking on overcoming feelings of inadequacy. . . and I feel so inadequate. oh gol. the irony.

I like writing, though I'm certain I'm only moderately good at it. I think I would 100% definitely like writing less if I knew no one would ever read what I've written. It's not the writing that's therapeutic. It's the knowing that someone will be reading. Makes me less fancy now that you know that. I know. I agree.

I wish my stomach would stop hurting and the fan is blowing in my eyes.

Beats being hot.

I hope I take lots of beautiful pictures this week and that Ashley and I get a solid plan before she leaves to marry Alden.

I'm very happy for them by the way.

Richie is hard at work on his book, P.S.

It's fantastic and I'm amazingly proud of him, but tonight he didn't think so.

Truth be told, I think he's just hungry too. . .

Gosh I love that man.

The children are all nestled all snug in their beds, so, I suppose it's time to turn off Shelly's perfect lamp and zonk.

goodnight.

god is good.

N

I hope my stomach feels better when I wake up in the morning. boo.

3 beautiful little reasons to rejoice.

this cell phone pic was either taken the day you went into the hospital,
or the one before.

I honestly thought you had just a sniffle.

I honestly thought we'd be home in a day.

__________________________________

Today.

Today I stopped by 3 different friends houses
to see their beautiful new babies.

they are each so.wonderful.

all girls. :)
someone has to balance the universe for us, after all.

such a beautiful reminder of what really matters.
all that really matters in the end.

I held evelin (pronounced eve lin)
while mommy stepped into the other room.

I held her little tummy against my chest.

her tiny head laying just under my chin. . .
the smell of Heaven still fresh in her thick, dark hair.

and for 30 seconds I closed my eyes.

for 30 seconds, I allowed myself to
just.play.pretend.

and it was a heavenly hell all wrapped up
into 30 terrifyingly beautiful seconds.

and I remembered what it felt like to be "us."

you and I.

and then, I remembered again what it felt like to just be "me."
as if I could ever really forget.

but only for now.
it's only just me for now.

"only for now."

I repeated in my head as I quickly wiped my tears.

this is after all a happy time.

3 beautiful little reasons to rejoice.

have a beautiful weekend.

viking snickerdoodles.

so.

raleigh has to do a presentation in his 1st grade class
on his cultural heritage.

somewhere,
a billion years ago,
there was a Viking our mix.

and OF COURSE
a 6 year old wants to present on Vikings. . .
because he realizes that culturally we are SO VERY connected.

One faucet of the presentation is. . .
FOOD.

So. . .
we're making Snickerdoodles.

because they're raleigh's favorite.

(and because we looked it up and Vikings, well they ate PORK,
and HOW does one prepare PORK for a classroom of 6 year olds??)

Snickerdoodles?
Well they technically came from Germany.

And hello? Germany is SUPER close to Scandanavia.

AND Vikings come from Scandanavia!

So Vikings and Snickerdoodles
TOTALLY go together.

naturally.

I am the best Mom ever.

Raleigh will be dressing up like a Viking,
and handing out snickerdoodles.

yes.

we win forever.

baby richie.

baby richie.

I know.

You just want to SQUEEZE him.

i like my aunts, i like my allisons.

I am obsessed.
and want to do this every day. . .

for the rest of my life.

found via rachel (she's a favorite).

FACT.

When I was in college I had bleh days ALOT.

fat days.
boys suck days.
got a c days.
pms days. . .
and 4 billion etcs.

I REFUSED to lean into feeling like crap.

SO.

I invented the bathroom dance.

I would lock myself in a bathroom stall (in the GCB for you BYUHers)
and sing "I'm Walking on Sunshine" in my head. . .
at the TOP of my lungs (my uh, head lungs?)
and dance like a lunatic.

flailing arms a serious must.

try it.

FOR REAL.

the BEST and a TOTAL cure all.

someone will always hate you.

I'm convinced that someone will always hate you,
and that it shouldn't really matter.

I'm convinced that for every 100-200 people who love you,
there is at least 1 who just won't.

Maybe they just don't understand you.

Maybe they just don't believe in, or are threatened by,
the things you represent.

Maybe they are simply misguided.

Maybe they are just mean.

or selfish.

or just loudmouthed and insensitive.

Whatever it is . . . it really doesn't matter.

Someone always will.

misunderstand you.
neglect to appreciate your efforts.
have an opinion about the way you cho0se to live.
feel threatened by the things you represent.

or just plain HATE you
for one inexplicable reason or another.

But again, it doesn't really matter.

it really doesn't.

the thing I'm baffled by is this. . .

WHY do we (myself included) focus all our time and energy on the
ONE person that is giving us grief?

Why not the HUNDRED who love, support, celebrate and sustain us?

I'm convinced that someone will always hate you,
and that it shouldn't really matter.

_________________________

and in case you haven't heard it a while,
I want you to know. . .

I love you.

I think you're wonderful.

I appreciate your efforts.

I am cheering you on.

I am your number 1 fan.

I think you can, I think you can,
I.think.you.can.

In fact, I know you will.

mwa!

xx,

me

HI Women's Conference.

I'll be speaking at Hawaii Women's Conference
on managing feelings of inadequacy. . .

"I'm thankful to be me; managing feelings of inadequacy"
to be exact.

so of course I've spent the last few weeks
feeling nothing but inadequate.

It's a certainty that whenever I receive a speaking assignment,
I subsequently receive a baptism by fire on the subject . . .
to ensure I really know what I'm talking about.

anyway. . .

I'd love to have you there.

xx.

Me

nie nie.

who hasn't learned something
profound from nie?

who's life hasn't she changed?

happy mother's day.

I love you richie.

thanks for being dad. :)

I sure love being mom.

Miss you fierce!

xx,

N

____________________________

All y'all,

Sorry if I'm MIA the next few days.

I'll be meeting with the sounds of pertussis people (deep breath).

filming.

shooting.

EATING. . .

and all the etcs.

see you soooooooon!

I love you!

miss you every moment.

This was one of the happiest moments in my life.

So much happiness.

We were complete.

. . . oblivious to the monster around the corner.

__________

I miss you every moment little boy.

Thank you for being mine.

My life is better having known you,
my soul is richer after having said goodbye.

You gave me the gift of faith
and a perfect trust in God's eternal plan.

I love you completely.

Happy Mother's Day. . .

I am so glad I'm your mommy.

xx.

Me

__________

We will be complete again.

one fine day.

of that I am certain.

(and good mercy, I cannot wait!)

happy cinco de mayo.

I really enjoy Kate and Pehrson.
Like, a lot.

I also enjoy mustaches (no, not really. not at all.)
and Cinco de Mayo (yes. SO.MUCH).

eat a burrito and enjoy.

oh and ps, launch date for the new blog,
pushed back, again.

I feel like y'all are going to be underwhelmed
after all the anticipation! :\

shooting in the rain rhymes with AWESOME. . .

and crazy.

shooting in the rain rhymes with awesome and crazy.

portrait paintings: birds of ash mae.

look at this beautiful painting Birds of Ash Mae
created for me out of this cell phone pic. . .

and she can make one for you too!

check out her snazzy etsy here for more information
or to pick up one of her other AMAZING paintings.

xx,

Me